Remember that time I said my main blog would not turn into a baby blog? Yeah me too. Sorry about that. One thing I've realized is just how consuming having a baby is and how he tends to take over my life. While wonderfully life changing and fantastic as he is, as with any major life change, it made me step back and reevaluate my priorities and see where all my energy is going.
Getting married was probably my most recent major life changing event before Judah, except it didn't really come with too many difficult adjustments and has been so amazingly easy. Whaaa? Easy? Yes. Completely yes. Over the last 5 years, we learned that putting each other before ourselves without finding our identity or happiness in each other is the key to a simple and blissfully happy marriage for us--this is pretty much our marriage goal on a daily basis. Do we always succeed? No. But we try everyday. So naturally, I thought having a baby would be just as easy to fit into my life, and he would just naturally be placed behind Joel.
WRONG! haha! Having a baby (and keeping up with his increasing feedings) has stretched me so much. mentally, physically, spiritually, relationally--basically you name it and I've had a breakdown in one of those areas! However, the main thing I kept finding myself doing was putting Judah above Joel and his needs time and time again, not to mention my time with the Lord. Needless to say, it didn't take long for the conviction to set in--once the baby haze lifted of course.
Yes, it's only been 3 1/2 months, and I know it takes time to readjust to our new normal, but the first couple months, I was so focused on Judah and meeting his needs (probably because he can't really meet his own). I definitely went into motherhood not wanting to put our children above my time with the Lord and my husband, but I quickly realized that it happens if I don't choose to invest in other areas more. Why would I not feed the two foundations that make this family possible first?
Thankfully, it's not hard to fix once you realize it. After having a few discussions with Joel about it, he said he hasn't felt neglected, but the fact that he had to ask me for a head rub after mentioning he had a headache a few times a couple of weeks ago just goes to show that he may subconsciously. :) I also find that waking up early is getting easier and easier, so getting my time to read, pray, etc. is becoming more like bookends to my day instead of thinking, "Has it really been 2 weeks since I opened this devotional??" And finally I've come to realize that my basic needs still have to be met as well, so I can be a better wife, mom, and just person in general. Sleeping and eating have never been so important until recently!
So with that, I find myself slowly getting back into a familiar routine, and it's getting easier to put Joel before my sweet baby boy (why does that sound so terrible?!?). The best part about it all is that I've even discovered that with a baby, Joel's needs have become less and less since he is so quick to meet my needs and Judah's. It's a great cycle once you're actively pursuing it. And there's no one else I'd rather be pursuing it with than my new family.